A fundamentalist turned freedom chaser with an obnoxiously stubborn faith.

Late Night Check-in

It’s those moments when you can’t help but go into her room and stare in the darkness at her sleeping silhouette. The moments she is crying and the only thing she needs is to be in your arms. The moments you look at her from across the room and her face lights up. The ones in which the rest of the world seems like background noise to a song more beautiful than you imagined possible. It’s those moments that make you appreciate what it took to get her here. The changes to your body, the fear you felt approaching labor, the excruciating pain, the (long for some) recovery, the terrifying mood swings, the exhaustion after everything… All of it necessary to bring that perfect little being into this world. This crazy, messed up, ugly world that is made a little less so by her presence.

I am stunned with how much I love her. She’s changed me, but life goes on. Finances get tighter, relationships have their ups and downs, we learn more and more the areas we aren’t fully trusting God with and yet, she’s here. Her sweet smile greets me every morning like a honey coated reminder that we aren’t forgotten. God is near, He loves, He is the God of provision, peace and grace. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve such a perfect child with eyes like the sun and hands that sweetly clasp my fingers. She is Grace personified. That God loved us enough to give her to us is a miracle, but the greater miracle is that he loved us enough to give us His son… That is a love I don’t know that I can understand, but I am eternally grateful for it.

That is a good thought to go to sleep on… That my Father loves us all that much…

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