We heard the baby’s heartbeat today (video below). It wasn’t the magical experience I guess I thought it would be, but it was beautiful. I was a bit distracted at the time, but later I thought back on it and it just… amazed me… It’s overwhelming. We only got to hear it for about 15 seconds (I seriously thought it was only 5 when I was recounting it) which was just not long enough. After she took the doppler away I sort of missed him (or her). Obviously he’s in there and I get to be with him all the time, but usually there is
little evidence to this fact other than my expanding waistline.
It still hasn’t hit me that we are having a baby. I can wrap my mind around the concept, but imagining a child wrapped in a blanket in our home for whom we are solely responsible is sort of like imagining some fantasy vacation or something: you know it’s possible, but it just doesn’t seem real. Imagining little hands on Samson’s nose and little feet tentatively navigating the rug I’ve had since Gabe deployed (the first time) is surreal.
Everything about this baby is surreal. It’s a dream. Honestly. Little girls dream about their wedding and their kids… We marry our friends and mommy our teddy bears. I have loved this baby (and any children God lets us parent) since I realized I would get to be a mother one day. I have spent my entire life preparing to teach, to empathize, to discipline, to encourage this and future Sedberrys. I got the guy of my dreams, got to spend half a decade building on our foundation and now we get to meet our legacy… That’s cool.