A fundamentalist turned freedom chaser with an obnoxiously stubborn faith.

One for the Book

The other night I had a very special dream. I dreamt of my beautiful little girl as a teenager. I’m not saying it’s prophetic or anything, but I woke up feeling like I had gotten a glimpse of the future Raychel Joye and I felt so blessed the whole day. 
She was timid in a respectful way, not because she was scared. I was in a home talking business with a client and she quietly walked in after I sent someone to get her from the car. She had her hair down (it was straight, which is strange) and wore a modest outfit – a sweater and skirt. She didn’t have any make-up on and my goodness… She was just gorgeous. Her skin was tan and smooth… I often call her “Honey Girl” because of her golden skin and she fit the description well.
She told me that she wasn’t sure if I wanted her to join me in the house. I held her beautiful face in my hands and said, “I always want you here. I love you so so much.” I spent a good amount of time just holding her and telling her what a joy she was to me. Then she sat down and started entertaining a baby that was there. She was a natural. Her smile was magnificent… 
I {obviously} have no way of knowing if she will be anything like what she was in my dream. I don’t really care. The thought of RJ as a young lady is vastly exciting and seriously nerve-wracking. Someday she will be my helper around the house and with her siblings. Someday the talks will come about boys she likes. Someday she will probably think she knows more than she really does. Someday I will have taught her all I can to prepare her to leave our home. These are the things I look forward to and the things I dread. 
We take our role as parents very seriously {as most do}. We don’t see our duty as one to raise a child, but to raise an adult. She is someone else’s wife and mother {unless God wants her to remain single her whole life in which case, she’s God’s direct servant which is no easier to prepare}. We are raising a help-meet, a submissive wife, a loving mother, a hard working Proverbs-31-woman. That is our task. We are not trying to give her a childhood filled with rainbows and butterflies, we are trying to give her a foundation: the gift of a square head on her shoulders and a truth-based perspective on life. Hopefully some butterflies will show up from time to time, but that isn’t the goal. 🙂
Yet as much as I want to raise an adult, I also want to protect my baby girl from this scary and unpredictable world. I want to shield her forever, but I know I can’t. She needs the truth. She needs a solid foundation because at some point she is going to have to step out onto something much less safe. She will only have her innocence {and her ignorance} for a relatively short period of time and I cannot {and should not} keep the reality check at bay. As much as I adore my sweet little baby, she won’t be a little baby for long. I’m going to have to let her make choices – even the wrong ones – so that she can find out for herself who God is and why His way is best. I’m learning that one of those “hard parts” in parenting is simply accepting that the stumbles are imminent and that I won’t be able to keep her safe forever.

2 responses to “One for the Book”

  1. Person Avatar

    Hi Person!I love this so much. And, upon reading about your dream I couldn't help but think of you, helping me with Ayden while Levi was deployed. The way you described RJ, what she wore, how she was is EXACTLY how you are and were with me…and Ayden. You were (are) and Joy. I always wanted you around, and you were a natural with Ayden. You were kind, humble (not scared) and beautiful. If RJ is half the women her mother is- she'll be everything you hope and more. I love you two sovery much!

  2. Krysann Joye Avatar

    Oh man… Thank you so much. That means a lot. I remember those days and how awesome it was to get to build a relationship with Ayden AND get to see your strength in such a hard time. Most moms don't have to deal with a deployment, a newborn and a move at the same time, but you did it. I'm so grateful that RJ will have her Auntie B in her life!!

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