• Christian Living

    Funeral for Used To

    I was knit together in the womb of Evangelicalism. I rocked out to Carman’s Yo Kidz! on my walkman, spent my allowance on bumper-stickered Jesus puns, and won an actual trophy with the inscription “Pastor’s Award” for being the best example of a Church Kid in my fundamentalist Christian school. And underneath all the WWJD fare, I stood tall as a true believer. I spoke to God out loud and often. I gave homilies to my stuffed animals on the importance of the 10 commandments. As a teenager I prayed through tears to be spared eternal torment and I was completely sincere when I trudged door to door asking people if…

  • Christian Living,  Community,  God,  Jesus Christ,  Kingdom,  Love,  Uncategorized

    Something Small

       I wanted to be a missionary for a handful of years, did I ever tell you that? I spent a good amount of formative time in a culture which offered few acceptable options for young girls. I could choose between being a teacher in a Christian school, a pastor’s wife or a missionary[‘s wife]. Getting married was a given and it was tolerable to be the wife of a layman so long as we were faithful to our local gathering. There was an uspoken heirarchy of life choices and the most obvious were at the top. Even our language belied our bias – there were those who “served,” who…

  • Christian Living,  God,  Jesus Christ,  Kingdom,  Legalism,  Love

    A Liberating Whore Story

      We have all read the story in John – nowhere else – about the woman caught in adultery. We have all been taught how Jesus inaugurated a new way to fulfill the law – and we have put ourselves in the tangled sandals of the woman. We have read it and closed our bibles grateful that Jesus doesn’t condemn us, but saves us from condemnation and tells us plainly to “sin no more.” But grace folds over in grace when I walk across the temple’s dirt to the Pharisees. When I see through their eyes her face flushed red with shame and fear. She’s been found out and her lover…

  • Christian Living,  creativity,  God,  Reading,  Worship

    Wilting Well

    The roses wilt and I let them stay here, dying in the dingy vase by the winter-dirtied window. They sit on the food-stained tablecloth in the kitchen I have nested into comfortable beauty – it’s home with dirt and all. Because roses die lovely and I catch them in my quotidian busy, find in them a small sabbath while I labor. May I die lovely, too. In the dingy vase of this imperfect life – full of pain and aches of still-not-getting-it, full of disasters most unnatural, winters that make my lenses foggy, too. When I miss the beauty in decomposing – didn’t he say he made all things new?…