• Faith,  Family,  Featured,  God,  Rest

    In a Just Moment

    So much seems to be an emergency outside, but in here I am still just mom with son, cuddling on a Sunday morning.For the whole big wideness in us that sees and hears and knows, and for the focused presence, too that knows nothing more than what's in front of us.

  • Family,  Love,  Motherhood

    Mush Mom

    I guess I thought I was better than this. I thought that at some point some magical switch would flick on – maybe sometime in the pregnancy? Or during labor? I thought at some point there’d be a click (maybe even audible) and I would be Mom. I would unleash the patience and empathy and wisdom and creativity locked somewhere deep inside me just waiting for that magic thing to happen. I remember my first baby growing, feeling her kicks, dreaming of her before I even knew her gender. I remember *feeling* the magic. I read books and decorated her nursery and told her all about the world she would…

  • Baby Berry,  Birth,  death,  Family,  Grief,  Life,  Love,  Motherhood

    To the First Baby Born After Death

    As my fourth child, you were never going to get the fresh-faced version of your mother. You were never going to have all of my attention because you have three other siblings who really like to break things and make loud noises. You were never going to get rested Mom, well-hydrated Mom, sure-let’s-get-in-the-car-and-go Mom. Truly, every kid gets a different iteration of their mother. Your oldest sibling, for example, got the scared-out-of-my-wits version along with the young and energetic. But you, sweet boy, got me in an especially different way. A year and a half before you were born my mom – your GoGo – died and the 22 months before that I…