A Thousand Tears (from the people who have to listen to me learn the guitar)

So, inspired by my awesome neighbor/sister Tessa and the other people in our community who can just pick up the guitar I have owned for 2 years and make beautiful sounds that I have yet to comprehend in said amount of time, I am finally learning to play! The final push was the image of playing and singing to my beautiful daughter as she grows up; expressing to her the beauty she brings to our home and teaching her about music. I look forward to watching her swim in rhythms and harmonies, discovering the strict structure and free abstracts which complement each other so well in such a rare way.

My little Darling… The Hippy Babe complete with
an Amber Teething Necklace… Yeah, I’m that mom…

I decided to pick a song to learn on that would be special to RJ and I as she grew. I’ve heard A Thousand Years by Christina Perri on the radio and it makes me think of my little girl: how I’ve longed for her since I was a girl myself, how she is so worth the wait, how my insecurities about being a mother climaxed and melted when she showed up, how I want more than almost anything for her to know, no matter what she experiences in this life, that she is so incredibly loved and wanted and important.

And how I feel at times that in some ways my life didn’t really begin until hers began. God has been preparing me from infancy for this task. To be a wife and a mother at the same time is, I think, my charge while I’m on this earth. Sometimes I feel as though I’ve wasted time without her (and our other children). With Gabe’s deployments and all the issues we’ve had to work through as a result, I can see the benefit in not having children during that time, but I have a hard time shaking the feeling that we should have at least been open to it. Looking back, I missed RJ without knowing it. She colors our world with bright meaning and subtle shades of a legacy.

Back to my song selection: it has absolutely nothing to do with Twilight. I have not seen the Breaking Dawn movie (nor do I want to). 🙂

Here are the lyrics:

Heartbeats fast, colors and promises.
How to brave
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One Step Closer

I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still, beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breathe, every hour has come to this

One Step Closer

I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought you here to me
And I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more