• Birth,  Cancer,  death,  Grief,  Homebirth,  hope,  Life,  Pregnancy

    Ice Packs

    We took Bradley classes during my first pregnancy (highly recommend, they’re great) because regardless of whether or not your pregnancy is bliss or burden you are aware of something truly horrible: this baby is coming out.  I imagine for most women there is an initial euphoria with which a deep and primal dread sidles up beside and waits. Through bump photos and Target registries and baby showers and baby kicks, mild terror makes herself quite comfortable. The basic idea behind Bradley is that labor is natural, pain is part of the process to be embraced, and you are capable. In other words, “It’s gonna hurt like hell, kid, you can…

  • Baby Berry,  Birth,  death,  Family,  Grief,  Life,  Love,  Motherhood

    To the First Baby Born After Death

    As my fourth child, you were never going to get the fresh-faced version of your mother. You were never going to have all of my attention because you have three other siblings who really like to break things and make loud noises. You were never going to get rested Mom, well-hydrated Mom, sure-let’s-get-in-the-car-and-go Mom. Truly, every kid gets a different iteration of their mother. Your oldest sibling, for example, got the scared-out-of-my-wits version along with the young and energetic. But you, sweet boy, got me in an especially different way. A year and a half before you were born my mom – your GoGo – died and the 22 months before that I…